The truth is nobody wants to die.
But for so many of us, the emotional pain that we are experiencing has become so unbearable that the only way out that we can think of is by ending it all.
People don't want to die. They just want the pain to stop.
The thoughts that become our object of attention have become unbearably toxic, and we simply can't handle the pain that they caused in our hearts.
I first thought of suicide when I was very young.
I was depressed.
I never saw myself as worthy of love or kindness.
I was bullied ever since I was a little boy.
Even my own parents were bullies from my perspective.
During the lowest times when I didn't think I can make it through the night, I always hold on to one thought that seemed to get me through it all no matter what: LIFE GETS BETTER!
Even if there were a million thoughts telling me to give up and leave this life, I hold on to that one thought, and I truly believe it in my heart.
I repeat to myself over and over again: LIFE GETS BETTER!
Getting out of depression is a long process for me.
I wrote gratitude journal. I began practicing meditation. I watched so many episodes of Oprah Winfrey Show. I watched so many interviews of people who have get out of depression. I read books and watch videos by Abraham Hicks, Louise Hay, Deepak Chopra, Eckhart Tolle, Byron Katie, Gary Zukav, and Michael Singer.
The process wasn't smooth either. It was up and down for years, even decades.
Sometime the depression creeps back and sucks the joy out of me all of the sudden.
Thankfully I've learned to handle it more quickly now, before I get sucked into the spiral of negativity.
I reached out to friends who are excellent at listening to dump my emotional trash.
I got into my car and yelling and crying while driving.
I exercise.
I meditate.
I listen to so many uplifting songs over and over again.
I allow myself to feel bad and don't punish or judge myself for feeling negative emotions.
I train myself to be more compassionate toward myself.
I often visualize myself hugging my inner child, and saying "I love you" or "Everything is going to be okay" to him
I went through 2 sessions of hypnotherapy and found myself yelling so loud because I have so many pent up anger that I've been suppressing since I was a kid.
The process of healing is not instant.
So, if there is anyone depressed or suicidal reading this post right now, please know that healing is possible, but it will take time.
Be compassionate with yourself.
Change takes time.
Be patient with yourself.
Take life one step at a time.
Find thought that feels better. One thought is enough. Hold on to it.
Practice gratitude to shift your focus from the negative to the positive.
Find things to appreciate, even random, small things will work.
Find the sources of your negative energy and shut it down if you can.
If you can't, walk away.
Plant the seeds of positive self talk in your mind. Even if it feels weird and unfamiliar, just keep repeating it over and over again. Practice being a cheerleader to yourself. Make your inner self talk encouraging.
Make peace with Life as is. Accept the fact right in front of you and stop thinking about the unnecessary 'what ifs'.
Separate the story from the fact. We can always handle the fact, but we can't handle all the crazy stories the mind tries to tell us.
If you fall back into depression after experiencing some progress, learn to be compassionate toward yourself instead of being judgmental.
It's okay. Keep supporting yourself and treat yourself as if you are a child that's learning a new skill.
Ask Life these empowering questions:
1. What are the blessings underneath these sufferings?
2. What is Life trying to teach me?
3. What is the bigger purpose that Life is trying to communicate to me through this pain?
When we shift our focus from the problems to the blessings, we begin our journey toward healing and awakening.
We are never alone.
Everyone suffers. Everyone experiences pain in their lives.
We are all in this journey toward healing together.
We are each other's guardian angel.
Have faith that every pain has a higher purpose.
There is a blessing underneath every suffering that we go through.
Always hold on to the belief that LIFE GETS BETTER!
Even when we feel like there's no one that love us, the reality is the universe LOVES us unconditionally.
Our lives matter. Our being is precious. Our presence is celebrated. The universe only has love for us. No judgment, no hate, no punishment. ONLY LOVE!
Love and Blessings,
Affandi
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